Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
