Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
