i don't plan on having that self control this summer
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
