Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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