I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
