would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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