I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
its not stalking. its research.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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