Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
