i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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