I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
my shit smells like andre
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
