ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I didn't shave. On purpose
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
