Someone shit on the floor
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
