ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize