he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
