who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
