he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize