Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
