I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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