mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
