I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We got so high we made milksteak
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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