Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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