I wish I could punch you in the face.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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