Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
time to smoke my breakfast
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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