He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
COCAINE IS GR8
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
