sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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