I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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