sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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