I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
