:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
