Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Verdict: uncircumcised.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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