My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
