I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
