You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
