We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
