New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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