Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she pinky promised me she was 18
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
