Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
