dude i'm inner monologue high
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
