Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
