my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
