this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
