No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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