you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
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I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
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I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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