Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
