god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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