but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
