i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
