About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
