I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
They should really pass out barf bags in church
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
