Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
