And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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