Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
