I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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