Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Randomize
