I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
