girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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