she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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