i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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