Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
