This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
