just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
