it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
