my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize