Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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