I wanna bring you to show and tell
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
