You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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