I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
