I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
