i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
