Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
