I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
