It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
