I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
