I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
