Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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