i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
