I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
